All the Modern Ladies, or, a Rant against the Ranters.

Why is it that people who are uncomfortable with change strive to make the change a moral thing? (If that’s the case, then there’s a special place in hell for Apple.) Look, anyone who uses the internet knows its pitfalls. It’s a time-trap, for one. You jump on to check the hours of your local Kroger and end up reading about the mating habits of the Duggars. Then there’s Facebook–which has basically put the divorce lawyers on an economic boom. And don’t get me started on the smart phone, which has robbed children of the mothers who before smart phones never read a magazine or watched a soap or talked on the land-line or over the fence to the neighbors or got really distracted trying to build a fire in their cave and actually paid constant and vital attention to their kids. You get the idea.

So the people rise up in protest, and the links go viral…viral…meaning online about the evils of the modern era. Which we read on our smart phones and cry “hear-hear!”

I recently read a thread (because I’m a glutton for self-punishment and bad blood pressure) online about Pinterest. This lady was freely bashing it, even though she admittedly didn’t use it, saying people should have original thought. First of all, you’re right lady, original ideas only. Glad you didn’t get your hairstyle off of Friends and that you hand-wove that shirt-form-thingy you’re wearing out of cat-wool. When I posed the question (it’s less offensive if it’s an interrogative, right?) asking if it were fair to bash something she hadn’t tried, she stuck by her guns. (Well, not guns… some other social-media approved thing you can stick by.)

The thing is, the internet has turned us ladies into 5 year olds. You know, some people post stuff on Instagram to make others feel bad. Who is this mystery lady, maliciously frosting ombre cupcakes to post on Instagram to ensure that Jennifer from small-group has a really crappy day?

“But it’s fake!” you cry. Ladies, please. You know our gender can’t use that argument. Pretty sure that padding in your push-up bra didn’t come with your birth certificate, and your eyelashes aren’t actually brownish-black. What, you think Cher actually has hair? As if the bad-food-pictures online aren’t enough, do you really want to see my pile of dirty dishes? You know, there was a time when showing your ugly was considered inappropriate. Then Wal-Mart came to town, and it got kinda normal. Here’s the thing, in an age where girls are instagramming their nekked fannies, and women are slinging around words like placenta, take the little bits of beauty and be thankful for it. We need more beauty.

What if those evil-posters are actually sharing their gifts to the world? What, the lady who raised chickens and then served it on her hand-thrown pottery to her natural-birthed-free-range baby isn’t allowed to share of herself with the world? Because she’s got too much going on that’s good? We were meant to share. Preachers and motivational speakers share their thoughts and gifts with the world. Musicians give of themselves and their gifts to the world. Where on earth would we even BE without Oprah? Nobody would be having Ah-ha moments! You think I don’t feel bad about myself by stuff I see online? Of course I do! I’ve got a Facebook friend whose post-baby going home outfit was a bikini. Ok, I’m exaggerating, but barely. Thing is, she took care of her body. She didn’t become BFFs with the Pringle can. And guess what? This isn’t the Mary Lekoshere show.

So take inspiration, not offense. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Band together as sisters and be thankful. Get that joint Facebook account with your husband, and make really sappy new-baby compliments under his name and confuse everybody over your siamese-twin-birthday.

In the words our the great modern-day poet, “Shake it off.”

Advertisements

when i said it…

June 2019
M T W T F S S
« Jan    
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

what I’ve said before…